The introductory episode for the podcast.
Hello and welcome to Dreaming With dream. It’s going to be a little bit of an odyssey.
It’s going to be a fun fun podcast. It’s going to be hopefully something that you will enjoy maybe it’ll be something that you will learn from maybe it won’t time will tell but it will certainly be worth listening to regardless. I say in the description that this podcast is about living a million different lives in one Lifetime and really that is what I have done. I am currently 45 years old and I have lived a life like that. When many people here small bits up tell me that I should write a book. I you know, I guess I could maybe one day I will for now. I think the podcast will do and you know, you have to look at things the right way in life. You have to remain positive. You have to look at the funny side.
I’d send the uplifting sides and yes, the negative were there too. But you know a you can’t focus on that or you’ll get dragged down into what I like to call the pits of Hell really really quickly and you will stay there and then you have to climb your way out again and trust me. That’s not fun. I have a wealth of wisdom which really just means that I have done enough that I have screwed up enough times to have learnt from some of it. Hopefully and what that means is that I can now give other people words of advice, you know, it’s of absolutely no used to me now cuz I already messed up I already ran face-first into that wall, but it’s still I can I can help others nice as you can probably tell.
I am kind of a funny person. Well, at least some people find me funny you might not and that’s alright that’s on you.
But you know, I like to be funny. I like making people smile and laugh and that’s one of my things because I spent so much of my life not smiling and not laughing and I’ve seen so many people get so down and so depressed and so sad and you know, all it takes is one smile. All it takes is one funny comment one word to make somebody smile that’s important to me because like I said, I I have seen the worst of the worst. I have seen things that most people have only seen movies only I lived through it and lived to tell the tale about that. You’ll hear a bit about everything and I think you’ll be surprised at just how wide and varied my life has been but you know, it’ll it’ll kind of all makes sense and we’re not starting that like a beginning and there’s an end. No because my life has been kind of ran.
So we’re just going to tell it random and as it is and hold no bars and just kind of talk about things and maybe you’ll enjoy it. I hope that you do maybe you won’t but this is our introductory. And so I’ll tell you just a little bit about myself just kind of an overview so that you can have an idea of the things that we’re going to talk about. I I was born in Canada and I was born to a mother who was so confused. I really don’t know how she survived is she she literally gave birth to me and abandoned Me 2 years later at her parents house with my little brother and just kind of left us there with nothing. I mean absolutely nothing and they were kind enough to take us in.
And to raise us she then showed up the day before my 7th birthday and kidnapped us from school. But since it was legal, they don’t call it kidnapping and took us to the big city. Now we had grown up in a very very small town and we didn’t know her it’s not like contacted but kept so I then grew up in a big city.
But in the very very poor areas of a big city with a mother who was a drug addict and co-dependent and you know, basically love to collect Street children and call them her children and take care of none of them and certainly not us and was raised believing that nothing. The only thing worth anything about me was how I looked and how man might see me I was taught to dance for her friends by the time I was seven and you know had a very interesting teenage years as I discovered very quickly through life that not only did I need to be strong and to be able to to figure life out. I discovered very quickly that her life was not something that I wanted for myself.
And that you know, I couldn’t figure out why because I mean she didn’t really teach us anything. I I didn’t understand why I didn’t fit in with other people my age or why it was that you know it people kind of looked at me and look down on me and I spent the rest of my a lot of my life years and years and years studying people watching people and trying to figure out what was so different about me then you know them and what was it that they saw it about me that made me not fit in and you know, did I want to fit in and you know kind of going back and forth on those I want to fit in I don’t want to fit in I don’t know and
You know discovering that that fitting in is very difficult when you have no idea what the what’s wrong. But you know, I I picked up a lot of very interesting lesson. So I was what they call a street kid and run away for most of my life and you know, it wasn’t really a runaway because no one really wanted me and then my mother moved when I was 15 while I was out and away from home and yeah, and before that she had actually given me to CFS for a few years and lied to them about me and had me locked up.
Because she wasn’t getting any money for welfare interesting teen years spent on the streets learning a lot of lessons and then as an adult, I was an escort. I was a model there was all kinds of things that I did and was and went from there to being a teen. I had ridden with bikers. I done all kinds of things and I turned 18 and I went back to my city. Yes. I was traveling that’s something we’ll cover to and when I went back to my home City
I decided that I was going to give my mother another chance and kind of trying to reconnect with her which was a mistake, but you know yet it is what it is and my brother turned 18, and she at that point kicked him out of the house. That was a couple years later. We found my childhood love the love of my childhood who had first met when I was eight at my mother’s house and he was 16 and married him and that was another mistake. Although it was a mistake with some great consequences because I then had a couple of children and I went from actually 18 and single and modeling and an escort and you know, living wild and partying and you know kind of free life and suddenly I had to stepchildren I was married and I was pregnant
I talked about a wake-up call and obviously all the partying stopped at that point. I decided it was time to grow up and to look even more into what was so different about me from other people. Why wasn’t I fitting in why was I having such trouble achieving the life that I wanted for my children and ate it began a very long journey that took years and years and years to really kind of discover what was going on. I mean, obviously there’s some things you pick up but there’s a lot that that you’re just you learn as a child and if you don’t learn that as a child a it’s just not there and you got to figure it out.
It’s very difficult to watch to figure things out just just from watching people which you only know if you’ve tried it. I went from there to becoming a single mother and raising two children with a grade 7 education not great. I challenged for my GED and one with no help at all. I just studied on my own and got my grade 12 my GED then married another man moved to another province in Canada. And that was also a mistake and I was a dominatrix for a while.
And let’s see, you know, of course, I started my my journey and BDSM are learning about it. Obviously not taking part in it at a very young age. So I had entered that at 18 as well a lot of yeah, I know there’s a lot of stuff right and then went back to being a single mother really, I mean really I was a single mother through both of my marriages though and we’ll explain that later and then I fell in love with yet another and
Actually met him on Second Life and married him and moved to the United States. That was also a mistake the wisdom that has been gained from these errors anyway.
Life continues on and many years later, you know decided that, you know, well when you’re in a mistake, you clarify that mistake. Can you correct that mistake? So I moved to yet another state in the United States and I am still there now and I’m not going to use any names throughout these podcast because you know privacy and all that and I am not going to use any, you know, city names and stuff like that because you know, really I don’t want anyone, you know, getting all freaky. Don’t get all freaky on me don’t you know, I have I’ve had three keys I’ve had stalkers. I have actually survive through and Matt during my lifetime multiple murders.
And sociopaths very real ones and I’ve had guns to my head. I have had knives to my throat. I have been threatened so many times that I thought it was just part of life and you know, that’s it and I thought that was pretty normal. You know, it’s it’s been a wildlife. I have also attended University. I hold a degree with double minor. Yes, I went and got my education and I do intend on pursuing a master’s as well. I have actually studied on my own a sociopath and psychopath which is very big fascination of mine probably because I’ve run into so many throughout my life and
You know, it’s been a little crazy. My life has definitely been.
Kind of like, you know, it’s like like I said, it feels like it’s something when I tell people any part of my life, it feels like I’m telling them something from the movie, you know, I mean cuz you know, these aren’t things I discovered later in my life. These aren’t things that most people go through in life. Most people live, you know, a very ordinary life not that there’s any normal but you noticed some extent that you know, there is a between the lines because they have parents who love them and who protect them and his guide them and who teach them and I have mentors may have friends that they’ve had all of their lives where I was for me for a majority of my life, you know, you you didn’t have really close friends because a majority of your friends you would just hear about later on the news not all of us survived Street.
You know, it doesn’t matter what country you’re in what city you’re in because the truth is if you’re out on the streets, and I know that some places some cities are obviously worse than others, but the truth is when you’re out on the streets.
You’re out there for a reason. Nobody cares literally nobody cares about you. And I know that that’s hard for some of us to Fathom. But there is an entire group of people that literally is they could die right now and nobody cares. Nobody would care at all. Nobody would claim their body. Nobody would be looking for them. Nobody cares if they’re upset or hungry or cold or if they have a place to sleep tonight, or if they have anything to eat or you know, these are all problems that they have to solve on their own and they have to do this without money and without a family and withhold anything or anybody and until you are in that situation you have no idea about a lot of things it teaches you many things. You have no idea what you really are capable of what you really
Would or would not do to survive, you know, there is just so much you learn from this experience. You have no idea how many of the people out there who you think are good people. These are your neighbors your family. These are you know people that you trust you would trust these people to watch your kids. You have no idea what those people are capable of or what they do when nobody is looking and they think that there will be no consequences because they are with somebody that no one cares about I mean
Living on the streets. Like I said, it doesn’t matter what city you’re in. Yes, some cities are worse. But the truth is no matter what country or city you are if nobody cares about you. Nobody cares about you. I mean that doesn’t that’s not something that changes and that in itself carries so much with it because you are literally the target for everybody every sick fantasy every sick thought every Angry person everyone because they anyone can do anything to you. I mean what’s going to happen? I mean literally and even when the police find you for the most part the police or just can’t be like I would just another Street kid. Just another Street rat just another Street person just another nobody, you know, and everybody looks at you and just
She was all well, you must be on drugs. You must be an alcoholic. You must be this you must be that, you know, there are a million justifications to ignore the suffering of another person. And obviously that’s not all this podcast is about but that is an important distinction that you need to understand because when I’m talking about living on the streets or living a thousand lives in one lifetime, you need to understand that, you know,
It’s possible to do so because you have to recreate yourself and you’re constantly re-creating yourself trying to find your way out of this situation and trying to figure things out on your own and if you are into those at a very young age, you are cast onto the streets and you understand and realize and comprehend that no one cares if you live or die and that it’s all on you, you know, you’re really starting at at a disadvantage because you have no one there to teach you anything. And so you’re learning everything and you’re learning everything and you’re surrounded by the worst people in the world some of the best people in the world you will run into but for the most part it’s going to be the worst people in the world that you could possibly learn about life from so, you know, you’re starting at a complete disadvantage and the only advantage
That you have is that you can constantly recreate yourself and constantly say, okay. This isn’t the life I want and change it and move and you know, really kind of give yourself new opportunities to explore what it is and who it is that you want to be and what’s important to you and what your morality is and and how you feel about things. So it’s really it becomes a very interesting life when you when you start out this way and you know, I carry some of it, you know, luckily. I had a few years there where I had some people care about me and so I carry some of some of the Lessons Learned there as well some of the guidance and it just kind of gives you a very different perspective on life and on people as a whole
And I have played video games for a very long time. I am a total geek but nobody ever knew I was a nerd cuz of course, you know, I couldn’t afford for people to think I was a nerd because I needed people to be fearful about me because I was at Target especially as a young girl. And so it was very important that people, you know, not mess with me and not think that they could mess with me because they’re going to mess with you anyway, but they’re going to hesitate a little in that at least gives you you know sometime and the fact is is that when no one was looking I was a total geek if I can get my hands on a computer I was on it and love gaming Dungeons & Dragons tunnels & trolls balcarres and Valkyrie Diablo. Oh my God.
All of the games that came out c64c 128 days. Oh, yeah. I was I was on that and then when things went online Diablo hardcore, yes, man, and you know the online version World of Warcraft played that for just over a decade. My son’s got me into that and second life eventually. I got into still into it and then hanging around second life for about over a decade now for the most part creating and learning and teaching myself new skills, which is not the average thing that people go to Second Life, but you’d be surprised how many of us do so really
You don’t that’s kind of an overview which doesn’t really it gives you a hand and that’s about it because all of these topics are pretty deep, you know, but there’s your intro that’s what we’re going to be discussing is going to be fun and probably everybody that I know would tell me that I probably shouldn’t do this, you know, what half of the people would tell me write a book or do a podcast and the other half would tell me no don’t don’t give anybody any personal information. You know, what?
with the life I have lived.
Give me a break. Okay, I am not worried about it. I mean, what are you going to do? You know hunt me down, you know what stand in line to stand that later stand in line. There’s a long fucking line. All right, and you know what not even for good reason, but you know, you learn that life, like people don’t need a good reason to mess with you man. And yeah in case you think I’m crazy while I don’t know that’s. That’s all I know the perspective right beauty is in the eye of the beholder while crazies in the eye of the beholder 2 I supposed
I do not drink and I do not do drugs, you know, it’s just how it is live a clean life and I’m an educated woman and there you go. I mean what else am I going to say hate on me haters? No don’t you know if you’re interested?
Sit down before you listen, cuz you know, it’s going to be a ride. It’s going to be a hell of a ride.